


Karma Punishment

by Storygirl000



Category: Halloween Unspectacular, Invader Zim, Original Work
Genre: Cool and Unusual Punishment, Death, Demons, Gen, Hell, Paralysis, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:59:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16467365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storygirl000/pseuds/Storygirl000
Summary: General Rausseman gets his just desserts. (A gift for E350tb. Mild spoilers for his Halloween Unspectacular series.)





	Karma Punishment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [E350tb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/gifts).



Rausseman blinked.

He was standing above his body, in his room in the prison hospital he’d been confined to for God knows how long.

And there was the sound of a heart moniter flatlining.

So he was dead. Huh. 

To be completely honest, this was a relief to the man. Having spent the past few years a prisoner in his own body, he was relieved that he had finally been released. 

“Excuse me?”

Rausseman turned around.

Behind him was an odd young man, dressed in a casual business suit. A pair of semi-rimless glasses were perched upon his nose, and his black hair was in a messy style. In his hands was a clipboard.

Those weren’t the odd things. The odd things were his yellow snake eyes, pale red skin, and the pair of horns jutting out of his forehead.

“Are you General Armin Rausseman?” he asked.

Rausseman nodded slowly. “Yes...”

“Right. I’m Crowley–well, not _the_ Crowley, but you get the idea–and I’m here on behalf of the boys downstairs.”

The implications hit Rausseman like a ton of bricks. “You mean...”

Crowley shrugged. “Hell, the Underworld, Hades, the Netherworld, Land of Smiles and Cupcakes, whatever you wanna call it.” He paused. “Not that last one, though. That’s, uh, very misleading.” 

“What do you want with me?” Rausseman croaked. 

Crowley chuckled. “I’ll explain once we get there.”

With that, he grabbed Rausseman’s hand, and the two teleported away in a cloud of smoke.

Five minutes later, the guards outside of the door let the nurse in to confirm the General’s fate.

00000

Hell wasn’t what Rausseman had imagined it to be.

Everything from the ground to (what he assumed was) the sky was in different shades of red. There were a few fires and lava rivers around, but not as many as he’d been expecting.

All around him were jagged cliffs with holes in them–presumably prisons of the damned. In the center were tall, business-like buildings, each one painted a different shade of black or red.

Crowley pointed to an off-grey building to the left. “That’s where I work, with the other guides. But that’s not where we’re going. 

Rausseman wanted to ask why Crowley had bothered to point it out. He chose not to.

“Now, General Armin Rausseman,” Crowley said, looking at the clipboard. “You’ve got quite the rap sheet here. Mass brainwashing, hate crimes, universal-scale genocide, being a Nazi...I mean, wow.”

He started dragging Rausseman towards a cliff. “Normally, we’d give you the same punishment we give to people like you, but given the scale of your crimes, the guys in torture tech decided to get creative. 

He led Rausseman to a room-sized hole at the bottom of one cliff. “Here’s where you’ll be staying.” 

Rausseman looked inside the hole. It was empty, save for what appeared to be a radio in the corner. 

Figuring it would be harmless, he took a few steps inside...only to freeze in his tracks.

It was the hospital all over again. He couldn’t move anything, save for his eyes, which he turned back toward Crowley.

A cruel smirk formed on the demon’s face. “The show will begin momentarily.”

With that, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. 

A small clicking was heard, and Rausseman turned his eyes towards the radio. 

An upbeat pop tune suddenly began to play, which only confused the former general...until he heard the lyrics. 

_Look inside_  
_Look inside your tiny mind_  
Now look a bit harder  
'Cause we're so uninspired  
So sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor...

00000

_An unspecified amount of time later._

Crowley led the young woman towards a hole in the cliffside. “And here’s one of the first people I got to bring here.”

The woman looked inside the hole and saw Rausseman, eyes darting around. “Didn’t this guy take over the US for a year?”

Crowley nodded. “And now he gets to listen to the same Lily Allen song for all eternity. The torture tech guys said they were inspired by a John Mulaney story.”

“That’s nice and all, but I was under the impression that I was here for a job interview, not a tour.”

“Oh, right,” Crowley muttered, adjusting his glasses. “Sorry about that, Ms. Membrane.”

“Just tell me where I need to go.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this idea formulating in my head for a while now, ever since the latest Halloween Unspectacular began.
> 
> The song is “Fuck You” by Lily Allen, which I really want to sing in Rausseman’s general direction.
> 
> The idea was partly inspired by John Mulaney’s “Salt n Pepper Diner” bit. Just take “What’s New Pussycat?”, replace it with “Fuck You”, and repeat ad nauseum.
> 
> Yes, the woman is Gaz. Yes, she’s applying for a job interview in Hell. Don’t ask; I just came up with it on the fly.


End file.
